Friday, January 28, 2011

Feel the Burn

Yesterday, the dogs and I went two miles FAST. Ok, not like sprinting fast, but fast enough. Every time I felt like slowing down, I'd increase the pace. I had layered up since it was cold outside, but I found myself creatively stripping layers off without breaking stride because I got so warm.

I woke up sore this morning. Win! Then I went to pilates, and my entire diaphragm threatens to burn tomorrow. The thing I am most proud of is my food consumption.

Yesterday, I wanted Mcdonald's Chicken Nuggets. I have random cravings for them. Not sure why. Instead of going to Mcd's, I bought Izzy some stuff on smartpak (which cost way more than chicken nuggets), then went home and made myself a grilled chicken salad. So yummy.

I'm doing better on my goals: I have been running nearly every morning that I've been healthy enough. I did not do intervals because it keeps raining/misting and freezing, which results in a thin sheet of ice covering everything and making the footing downright dangerous. I have a water bottle, but it's metal, and when I washed it, an oily substance came out. That scared me, so I haven't used it.

New goals:
1) Intervals once a week
2) Double my long distance to 4 miles
3) Get water bottle

What are the rest of you up to?

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Back to It

I made it out for a run and to pilates on Friday, but then I took off for Seattle. I have a rule about vacations: they don't count. It's ok if you eat too much and spend a little too much--you are on vacation.


I'm not saying that Denali's Mom and I went to McDonalds three times in one day, but it might have happened. Then I remembered something:

This is Denali's mom and I trying on breeches.

This is an elephant's butt at Point Defiance Zoo:

We look damn good.

I did try to go for a run this morning (with my overjoyed little Beagle and less enthusiastic corgi), but it's been foggy all night and it's below freezing. That meant that I could literally ice skate down the road in my shoes. We walked instead.

Monday, January 24, 2011

Bye Wagon

That my friends is a wagon....

....and I have fallen off of it.

Between trying to study and delicious Pizza at my house I've been nothing but naughty. I do have a diet plan picked out, but let me figure it out the whole way before I explain it.

Back to studying....I will not drink a gallon of orange juice, I will not drink a gallon of orange juice... I will not drink a gallon of orange juice.

Friday, January 21, 2011

Playing Catch Up

Wow, first week back to class did not go as planned.

Classes began on Tuesday and I was not prepared...for anything. Especially the 9 inches of snow that gifted the glorious state of Missouri Wednesday/Thurs. To add to that, I have gotten maybe 20 hours of sleep in the past 7 days. One could say I'm exhausted. Completely and totally, wiped out from head to toe, not able to lift a hand or head, and ridiculously cranky.

9 inches of snow

My whole life I've battled with random bouts of insomnia that rob me of precious hours of sleep. This week I have had a very difficult time getting to sleep. For those that dont know what I am talking about, let me clue you in a bit. You go to bed early, with the hopes of falling asleep before midnight. You make some tea, get comfortable and settle in bed with a book, or movie if you prefer. Then you get sleepy, but alas, you cannot sleep! No, for the next 3-6 hours you lay awake in agony, just wishing you could close your eyes and sleep. You try the couch, the spare bedroom, the floor. Nothing works. After a few nights of this, you begin to lose sanity a bit, and dread going to bed, knowing you won't be able to sleep that night. Possibly at 3 in the morning you have a massive breakdown and bawl your eyes out and start throwing things (me). You just want glorious rest. then miraculously, after about 7 days or so, you sleep. Oh joyous sleep! And do you ever; you can't do anything but sleep. For almost 2 days...And thats what I've done this week.

Luckily, Thurs we had so much snow I could not get my car out of the driveway to go to class or work, so I slept. The city didn't even start plowing the roads till 2PM that day and it had begun snowing at noon on Wednesday. Today, Friday the road we still a clusterF, but I battled it out since I have 4 classes on friday and could not miss another day of class. Yeah, Mizzou does not cancel for anything...

What I'm trying to get at is I have not accomplished much of anything of worth this week but I blame insomnia. Being extremely tired for 7 days makes me a lazy, non-caring bum and it was all I could do to get up and go to class ( I have 3 classes T/Th and 4 MWF), let alone eating healthy or working out (or riding). So again, epic fail :(

My goals for Jan/Feb have been pushed aside and I am ashamed. I need to do better. Must get my butt into gear!!! Like NOW! I MUST make time to eat right, and pack a lunch for school, squeeze in a workout or 4, and ride Yankee.

The healthiest thing I ate this week was a salad with 3 oz of chicken and a small handfull of crutons and 3tbs of dressing. It was a zone meal, so that makes 1 for the week. I'm supposed to be eating the zone everyday....


Jan and Feb.
  1. Stick to the Zone for 5 days a week
  2. Stop wearing sweatpants everyday
  3. Work out 4x's a week (wether that be the gym or power walking with Zoey the dog
  4. Lose about 5 more lbs.
  5. Tone up arms, legs and stomach
  6. Be able to run 2 miles no big
Ok so I blew#1, 5, 6 and 3 for this week.
I DID wear jeans 3 times this week though! Baby steps! Every other weekin Jan I have stuck to the Zone...I THINK I lost 3-5lbs though. Walking to class everyday adds up to a mile or more and in snow, with a 40lb backpack, can be a wicked workout. Also I shoveled a ton of snow. Literally.

This is the main road on campus. Not plowed,
2 days after the snowfall. Sidewalks looked the same. Ugh.

So, revision of goals now that I know my class/work sch.
  1. Work out 3x's a week at the gym, including what I already do riding and walking.
  2. Lose another 5lbs in Feb., or more.
  3. Tone up my legs, alot. I am more self conscious about my saddlebags and calves than anything else, and I'm starting to really look chunky in the saddle. Plus I want to be able to fit into my new (one season), expensive show boots by may.
  4. Ride AT least 3 times a week. With my sch. that will be difficult but Yankee deserves to be schooled too.
  5. Still no sweatpants everyday.
  6. Drink LOTS of water ( bought a very NICE water bottle for that).
  7. Pack a zone lunch at least 3 times a week (need a lunchbox).
  8. Get 7 hours minimum of sleep a night.

Thursday, January 20, 2011


When it rains, it pours. 

This is definitely true of weather patterns in Seattle, my snacking habits... and every once in a while, my exercise.

Yesterday was one of those days.  One of those "enough is enough" days and "stop hitting snooze and go to the GYM already" days.

So I did. I got up and met my trainer/friend at the gym before work to get my ass (literally) handed to me. The only downside of befriending professional athletes/trainers is that they get a little less, ahem, professional in their tactics.  Trainer Man now feels it appropriate to inform me when my ass flattens/sinks/becomes overshadowed by love handles, etc.

While I appreciate the honesty, sometimes a girl could use a cup of coffee before such a conversation.

Regardless, we had a great workout.  He went a little nice on me since I'm still not moving like I should post the whole "rear/buck/fall" thing a couple weeks ago, but here's what we did:

Set 1:
Flys (with 12lb weights, laying on bench) x15
reverse flys (8lb weights) x20
bent over rows (40lb bar) x20
Kettle bell swings (18lb) x20

Repeat set 4 times

Set 2:
90 seconds cross punching with 4lb weights (OW)
knee ups (in the captain chair) x20
(I'm forgetting our 4th exercise here..)

Repeat set 4 times..

Right now he's trying to get my back un-stuck and capable of bending again while still focusing on core moves.  The bike sprints are a particular favorite of his, and while they cause me undying pain, they are a really good way to jack up my heart rate without making me endure sustained cardio.  I highly recommend them...

Anyway, then I went on my merry way (to coffee and breakfast) feeling oddly productive and even managed to avoid a spoonful of peanut butter (personal weakness)

After work I hit the barn and worked my BUTT OFF trying to get the mare in front of my leg.  (more panting and sweating).  I know that riding is good for us, but that was 40 minutes of legit cardio.  Thanks Mare.

Then I went bowling.  Which doesn't sound hard, and isn't a regular activity for me, but every time I go... I wake up being sore in the weirdest places.  I'd like to say that it's due to muscle usage, but I think it might be more due to the fact that I near fall down after the ball every time I attempt to hurl it down the lane... does that count as a "stabilizing" work out??? 

I'm voting yes.

Unfortunately, the reason that made me bowl also fed me beers and mac 'n cheese bites.  Essentially little squares of mac 'n cheese deep fried into a dumpling.  They were.. unfortunately delicious...

In conclusion.  Fried anything is better than regular anything and I can barely walk.


(admin, please delete this post after it is resolved)

If we have won a corporate award, how exactly are we going to follow the guidelines for said award? Should we each contribute a fact about ourselves? Should we try to come up with a list that reflects (more or less) all of us?

I think it merits further discussion!

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

I Think I Can See the Bandwagon From Here

But I'm definitely not on it. Yikes. Combine my husband taking the week off with me feeling like crap, and all of a sudden, I'm doing nothing. Nada. Zip.

In my defense, it is cold outside and I have a sore throat, plus I'm leaving for a trip on Friday and it's in my best interests not to make myself any more sick.

That said, I don't think 'being cold' is something that would actually make me sick.

So. I am trying. I had cream of wheat for breakfast (yay grain and moisture!) with my hot chocolate. I will at least walk the dogs and hopefully run when I get home from work.

Nothing like lowering expectations to meet goals, right? I can do this.

Monday, January 17, 2011

Damn Hormones

If I would never have PMS again, I would be the skinniest human being without even trying. I was doing good, doing good, doing good, then I started to eat everything that wasn't nailed down. I hate hormones. I can't stop from starving. No matter what I eat, I still feel like I'm going to die. Maybe that's how Denali feels?

So diet is not going well. Not going well at all.

Thursday, January 13, 2011

Diet Fail.

Today, I failed. I ate a delicious hamburger, had some fries and drank half a soda and it was glorious.

But I do not care.

Want to know why?

I spent 3+ hours in the ER wondering if my ankle was broken or not after a barn accident today and was stressed out of my mind from worrying.

Worrying about it being broken and having to miss work (and consequentially, $$), worrying about being fired because I KNEW I would have to call off for a few days (place of employment is weird like that) worrying about not being able to ride or show this season, worrying about having to crutch around campus AGAIN, worrying about medical bills, worrying about gaining more weight, etc etc.

After 3+ hours of excruciating pain and endless fretting and xrays and CATscans only to find out it is a bad sprain and contusion (fancy word for deep bruising) I...was....exhausted, hungry and grumpy...

And all I wanted was a cheeseburger from wendy's and those amazing new fries of theirs.

So I ate it with no guilt, and some sweet tea and percocet later, I feel much better.

Back to the zone diet tomorrow and a week of doing nothing on the couch.

TTFN, Yankee's mom

To get more juicy details about what happened, go to my horse blog ( tomorrow!

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Mexi Fries.

For those of you nowhere near the pacific northwest, I'm sorry.  I'm not sorry that you're (likely) buried in snow, but I am sorry that you do not know the joy/curse of the mexi fry.

The mexi fry is a beautiful creation of "Taco Time" which is a regional "mexican" fast food chain.  It is NOT taco bell, it is delicous.  Some people think that mexi fries are tater tots.  They are not.  I take personal offense to this misnomer because there is some intangible flavor (probably MSG) that makes mexi fries the most scrumptious delicious thing in the world.  Now I like tots, don't get me wrong, but aside from shape, they share very little with the highly esteemed mexi fry.

Which brings me to today.  Today I had a massive diet fail.  Unlike Denali's Mom I did not "have a piece of chocolate." I had my caloric intake for one (maybe two..) days in a single sitting.


Well, for those of you that know Pia, It's been rough.  I'm frustrated, confused and feeling inadequate.  It's not tragic, but pile that on top of work stress, a missing fiance (he's stuck east of the mountains "working"), and wedding tensions with the fam... I took the out-the-door line at subway as license to hit up my trusty old friend, Taco Time. (also, for those of you near Washington.. for some reason TT's here are different than Oregon and Idaho.  They are even MORE delicious, dang it.)

So here I am, airing my delicious shame online.  It's sorta like a confessional.. So I guess I need someone to tell me to do 40 pushups and 200 lunges to atone for my sins..... :)



It is January and I live in Idaho. It's cold here. Not as cold as like, Minnesota, but cold. That has a special meaning for someone like me who 1) can't stand paying full price for anything (like a gym membership in January) and 2) HATES "working out" inside and never getting anywhere. Plus, I don't know how to use most of the machines anyways.

So. I have a goal of running a 10k this year. That means I need to be working now, in the cold. In order to accommodate my weakness, I decided that I will run every morning in which it is in the double digits. That's right. 10f and up, I go running. Brrrr. Yesterday it was 10f at 6am, but by 7 am (when I leave) it was a mere 8. Thank God. 10 just didn't look appealing.

Today, it's 29f and blowing about 20mph. SO COLD. Obviously, it was better than yesterday, but that wind is nasty. It's also incentive. I left the house at 7.23am with my dogs. We ran two miles, walked a brief cool out (about a block), then went back inside. I took the leashes off, put them away, let the dogs out back, and it was 7.41am. That's right. I'm not sure how fast I was, but way better than 10 minute miles, which I used to think were good.

Good news: I can run fast.
Bad news: I'm going to have to run fast for 6.2 miles.

These are my running buddies. Chaucer the beagle and Lewis the corgi. Lew is all grown up now and he doesn't believe in going any more than two miles, but still. They're good to have.

I'm one of those people who can say no to just about anything, but even I have trouble saying no to those cute puppy eyes just begging to go for a run in the morning. Especially because when I put my amazing running shoes on, Chaucer becomes a jack-in-the-beagle, leaping straight into the air and squeaking frantically. Best buddy ever.

Other things I'm doing to work towards my goal:
1) Drinking water. My glasses hold 15oz of water. I get up at 6am and drink a full glass. I have another one before breakfast and a third after I go running. That is 45oz of water before 8am when I get to work. I need to get myself a water bottle and drink it during the day. (I'll make this a goal for this week.)
2) Limiting portion size. Just because I am an adult and now pay for the ice cream does not mean that I should then fill the ENTIRE BOWL with ice cream. Instead, I just have a scoop. Or two. I eat only until I am full, then put what's left in the refrigerator to eat later. That seems to be going well.
3) Dealing with body image. This is tough for me. I've never actually committed to losing weight before, so despite the fact that I want to make changes I can maintain for a healthier lifestyle, it's easy to look at ridiculously photoshopped pictures of beautiful women and then beat myself up for not looking like that. I know it's counter-productive, so I keep reminding myself that it's not about making me feel emotionally bad about my size--instead I need to focus on the positives of what I actually am doing. If I don't like how I look, I need to step up and change it instead of just beating myself up and then stress-eating to overcome it. That's just a bad idea through and through.

Goals for the week:
1) Get a water bottle
2) Run 2 days of intervals to increase speed/endurance
3) Run at least 4 miles one day

Tuesday, January 11, 2011


Today is Tuesday.

That means that I am suppose to hike my butt down to the office and at lunch time and weigh in. I ran to the office and there was a student in the nurses office. There is no way in HELL I am getting on a scale anywhere near another human being.


So, what did I do? I went and got a piece of chocolate and ate it. Boo.

Overall though I did a pretty good job this week. I had a Dr.'s appointment yesterday and was weighed in. It said I weighed the same as last week. BOO.

I drank more water, less Starbucks, less snacks, more running after students (although I would rather NOT do that.) I actually made attempts and eating healthy.

Goal this week: Actually lose a pound.

Denali's Mom

Monday, January 10, 2011


Whoooo boy.

Okay, so I haven't really done anything to contribute to weight loss this weekend, which is weird... cause you'd think after Friday I'd be moderately motivated.

Why, you ask?

Well, I'll tell you.

Like many working folk, I'm often out of bed, through the shower, dressed (mostly) and flying out the door before my brain registers what sort of reflection is staring back at me from the mirror.

This has resulted in a few, inconvenient and embarrassing days.

- one black boot and one brown boot (damn me for actually "buying one in every color" when I find a new favorite)
- Realizing a sweater is more "sheer" than not, and the "pretty pink bra" is NOT subtle.
- The midday discovery of multiple slobber/smear/mystery barn goo stains on a shirt while in the middle of a meeting
- Or the general horror that my shirt/blouse/pants/skirt/jacket reeeaaalllly isn't fitting like it used to.

I guess Friday sort of fell in the last category.  I decided to wear a classic black button up shirt, and look more "professional" than I typically do for our blue collar office.  I try to class it up every once in a while just in case people might assume I'm doing something important, or really busy, or super impressive.. (god forbid they realize mostly I just blog and google horsey things).

Anyway, I got to work, hung up my coat, plopped my purse and then plopped myself into my desk chair... and felt a breeze.

"that's weird," I thought as I felt a draft on my belly.. then realized that my buttons were UNDOING themselves from the strain of sitting.

Now, don't get me wrong, I'm a prepared girl, and I'm used to buttons "straining," particularly in the bust region, which is why I have Hollywood Tape stashed everywhere. Purse, Desk, Bathroom.. you name it.  In fact, I had reinforced a few button areas that morning to keep my shirt from gaping, but apparently my shirt was not impressed by some measly double sided tape.

I stood up, rebuttoned, straightened my shirt and sat back down.


Stood up... rebuttoned... straightened... sat back down...

pop pop

Grrrrrrr... Jacket went BACK on, and I sat the rest of the day somewhat peeved, and constantly fiddling with my shirt.

By the end of the day I had lost not one, but two buttons due to the strain/constant re-buttoning which rendered my shirt, less of a shirt, and more of a smock... it also rendered my confidence at an all time low.

The darling part was that when The Boy returned home and found me splayed on the couch, shirt unbuttoned and watching TV, he thought it was (somehow) sexy... and intentional.  Not the result of a too-tight shirt and sheer laziness.

God bless him.

Where's the gym again??

Sunday, January 9, 2011

Ok. I did it.

Ok so I am totally going to do it. Although I am cringing even at the thought, I am going to post for the whole universe to read...*insert drumroll*....the starting weight. I was thinking about it last night, and although it does give me anxiety to put a number to it (that makes it so final!) I felt that by doing it, it would make me more likely to commit since I am making myself "accountable" to my fellow bloggers. So here goes. The starting number as of last night is...  225. That was my sub conscience making it smaller. There, I said it outloud. Now onto the really hard part, making that number disappear! I am going to try to report the number every Friday so its easy to track successes or non-successes...(I couldn't bring myself to use the word "failures.")

Soo.. what did you do this week to work towards your goal? I stripped stalls and did mud maintenance after our rain storms. I had an equitation lesson on the worst flatwork horse and felt like I had sweated off 100 lbs. I loaded 1/3 of the manure pile into the back of my lifted (so its more work to shovel up!) truck to take to the dumpster. And I actually did do a conventional 30 minute workout on the rowing machine.

At least its a start. :o)

Saturday, January 8, 2011

Getting Into the Zone

Hi, I'm Monica an eventer/dressager and one of the many authors of this blog. I would have commented all all the previous authors posts, since I read all of them last night, but instead I will just say it was nice hearing all your stories (and 'meeting' you) and good luck to us all in our weight loss endeavor :)

So a little bit about me and my story;
I think I might be the youngest author here, but that does not mean I am any less conflicted with extra poundage hangin about. I was always an active ohio girl, with horses, soccer, track and cross country and blessed with good genes. Staying lean and healthy was never a problem and I usually ate whatever I felt like (insert salty snacks and fast food, especially Wendy's and Taco Bell). I even recall telling my certified crossfit/personal trainer mother "That I am young and thus shall eat whatever I want till it catches up to me and exercise was for squares. Riding two horses everyday is enough for me." (All of the sports listed above were half hearted attempts to keep mom happy and me busy.) And of course being a young niave teenager I defiantly went against my mothers strict diet for the family. It was BLISS! Sadly it did catch up to me, wicked fast...

Fast forward a few years from that comment to sophomore year in college. I had recently transferred colleges from Wright State University in Dayton, OH to The University of Missouri Columbia in Columbia, MO (aka Mizzou). Here the saying is not the "freshman 15" but the "Mizzou 22". The Mizzou 22 came into my life in October 2009 and has since refused to leave permanently. A quick backstory as to why I gained all this weight so quickly..
'That fateful night in August 2009 it seemed like a regular night at my place of employment (name shall be witheld since the following occurrences led to a very shady cover up from such place of employment that prevented me from getting a reasonable workers comp check, medical bill coverage and whatnot..) and I was going about my cleaning duties at the store. I had a bucket of soapy water in my hand, a long scrub brush for the floor and a squeegee. I walked through the swinging door from the back of the house to the main floor to do my duty and next thing I know I am on the ground, all the water and utensils strewn across the floor with me. Sopping wet, I went to get up and promptly fell back down. Puzzled, I took a glance at my non working legs and saw blood...everywhere. Odd, since I was feeling no pain. But there it was a small 2 in, cut on my left lower ankle. Turns out the squeegee was old and the metal on it was rusted and sharp, and as i came through the door, the swing caught the squeegee and it bounced so precisely on my left achilles tendon that it straight severed it. Well that explained why I couldn't stand...but once I saw the blood I went to pieces. My severed tendon was visible through the cut and I was terrified. Some coworkers took me to the ER and I got stitched up and repaired and ordered to crutches for four months. AWESOME.'

So starting my sophomore year on crutches did not bode well for my waistline. I continued to eat my regular diet but with the sudden change of not being able to ride or even walk, I QUICKLY gained over 30lbs in one month. OH snap. Along with the weight I had just the loveliest of all douchebag boyfriends, horrid roomates, no horse time and raw underarms from crutches I spiraled into depression. I tried to lose weight but because I was stuck on crutches, nothing worked. I was able to get off crutches early if I promised to keep it easy and wear a brace, in December but to add pain to punishment, my ENTIRE family informed me I looked fat over Christmas break.

The second blow to my body (and second injury) came that December when I slipped and fell on ice while gingerly walking to my car. FANTASTIC, a torn miniscus and fractured tibia. Back on crutches for me and even more time to wallow in self pity and sweatpants.

I was able to get off crutches in April of 2010 after almost 8 months total of those vile things and I took a massive look in the mirror. I was not happy with what I saw. The worst day ever was when I went to Kohls and bought fat jeans for the first time, Iliterally cried at the register. Something had to be done and I began a rigorous exercise program with low impact cardio since my injuries were still fresh and painful. One summer later I hadn't really lost that much weight and sweatpants were still what i felt most comfortable in. The sneaky 'muffin top' was still prevalent, Tina the Talking Tummy had taken residence and my thunder thighs did not wrap well around my horse or look good in jeans. The weight just hasn't stayed away for good! BAH.

Which brings me to about a week ago. I started a new way of eating (I refuse to call it a diet) called the Zone. It is based off portion sizes (by weight or measurements) and activity level. It is a very balanced way of eating and I can still eat whatever I like. As of now, I eat 5 days on the Zone and 2 days off. Everyday I eat 11 blocks of food, 3 blocks for bfast, lunch and dinner and 2-2 block snacks. So far I have lost about 3 lbs in a little over a week, most of it waterweight, but people HAVE noticed! EEEE! More later on the Zone though, since I have typed quite a novel here! Along with the Zone, I ride everyday and try to go on walks with my dog, but as of yet I am SO busy that getting my bum to the gym is difficult. Once classes start again it will be easier to work out since the gym is on campus.

So a few goals for end of Jan, and Feb.
  1. Stick to the Zone for 5 days a week
  2. Stop wearing sweatpants everyday
  3. Work out 4x's a week (wether that be the gym or power walking with Zoey the dog
  4. Lose about 5 more lbs.
  5. Tone up arms, legs and stomach
  6. Be able to run 2 miles no big
Current weight, 178lbs
Goal: "ideal"weight so says the docs for a 5'9 college kid

Until next time, Monica (Yankee's Mom)

Thursday, January 6, 2011

Body Swap (or Gingham's history on confience)

One side note that I should mention is that in general, I consider myself fairly lucky in the self confidence department.  Even in my worst shape (which was a rather round, somewhat lumpy, fairly squishy one) I've always been at least "ok" with my body.  That's not to say that I don't do absurd things like stand in front of the mirror and pull unwanted masses out of the way to see what I would look like without them (kinda the equivalent of folding your hair up to see what a different cut would look like, or flopping some over your face to simulate bangs..), but one of my friends (amid a fatty-mcfat-fat rant) asked "ok, so who's body would you trade for?"

uhhhhh, what?

"Who's body (anyone, your hot friend with actual abs, celebrity, whoever...) would you trade for?"

Hmm.  At first I made a list of no less than 50 people for the potential body swap, but then I started thinking through it.  Angelina Jolie? I like her legs.. .but I'd miss my boobs and her ribcage looks like a bird.  Scarlett Johansson? I'd love the wasp waist.. but I'd miss my (usually thinish) thighs... My best friend "Jane"? Sure... her stomach is killer.. but again with the no boobs.. I like having boobs (and hips for that matter).

Eventually I came to the realization that I wouldn't trade with anyone, even if they were a supermodel.  I was flabbergasted.  Like, actually stunned that I couldn't think of anyone who I would outright trade bodies with. 

At that moment I realized that although I will always be able to find something on my body that I'd like to tone, or shrink, or (maybe someday) grow.. But all in all, I'd rather be working through my bits, than just given someone else's. 

It was a turning point.  And thankfully it came at a good time. 

(now is an appropriate time to mention that I did actually model in my late high school years, and even lied about my age *gasp* to do runway work for a certain lingerie company...)

Coming home from my freshman fall semester I looked like a truck.  I had gone from a fairly lean frame (modeling) to a significantly different one.  As a collegiate athlete I had been working out hard twice a day for the entire time I was away and put on a pretty strict mostly protein diet.  The result was a crap-ton (that's a metric unit) of muscle, which was mostly good.

However, when my team got knocked out of the playoffs, the two-a-day workouts stopped, the beer (en masse) started and I continued merrily along on my 4,000+ calorie a day diet.  

slow metabolism + beer + sleeping like a sloth + beer + studying + beer - workouts - horses = MASSIVE, MASSIVE body change.  In record time.  like... two weeks.

Basically, I rolled myself across the country to get home for the holidays and thought nothing of the fact that I had all together stopped wearing anything but sweats.  I liked my sweats, they were "casual-chic" and I'm pretty sure I looked hot in them (maybe?).

Cue phone call from modeling agent.  They wanted me to come in for a casting for a new line of athletic wear that needed to be shot outside... in the snow... in a week.  I thought nothing of it, and went in to meet with the designer. Or at least, I thought I was going to meet with the designer.

What happened was I was stopped at the front desk, asked to sit down, then politely asked to leave by my agent due to "body changes."

Now, I acknowledge that I was drunk for the end of that semester, but I swear to GOD I hadn't noticed the fact that I had gained 30+ lbs in about 3 weeks.  I was literally horrified at what this woman was saying to me.  She went on to explain that she didn't need me anymore unless I dropped the 30+, and maybe an additional 5 (the muscle was apparently.. not great for marketing).

A year earlier, and I would have a) cried, b) cried more, then c) not eaten for a few weeks and gotten back to normal.

But, like I said, it was good enough timing that I basically said "oh, ok, that's great.... BYE" and left.

I never picked up another phone call from her again, and I've never returned to modeling.  I did drop most of that weight (over the next 4 years) but I haven't (and have no desire) to look like I did when I was "runway" and totally confident strutting around in hardly anything in front of people with cameras.

My goals are different now, and include things like "don't eat entire jars of peanut butter at once, no matter how delicious they are."   I ignore the scale (mostly) because my level of muscle fluctuates so much and I've been happier with my shape at 155 than I have with it at 140.  Which is weird, but has finally reinforced the idea of "good weight" versus "bad weight."

So... that's a little background on me.  And why I've been trying to think of some goals.  a 10k would be some sort of DREAM.  I hate running, despise it with a passion.. so training for something like that sounds awful.  But I do like things along the lines of "20 push ups in a row.. not on my knees" and "stop eating jars of peanut butter"

So I'll do some more thinking before I commit, but I'll get there.

Hi, I'm SprinklerBandit, and I'm overweight...

I was really pretty, thin, and fit in highschool and the first couple years of college. (Sadly, I thought I needed to lose weight.) Then, between marriage, a desk job, and discovering that I am really good at baking sweets, I became not so thin. Even fat. Yikes!

I want to be an eventer. I keep my horse on a pretty rigorous conditioning schedule, and I realize I need to do the same for myself.

The other bloggers seem to have all purchased a pair of smaller breeches... I haven't, because A) I am a large framed person who will never be a 24 in breeches and B) the ones I want to look good in are expensive. I will obsessively bargain hunt when the time comes.

Here they are. They're the gold standard of eventing breeches, but as another heavy friend of mine pointed out, the last things girls like us need is more attention drawn to our butts.

I don't have a specific weight goal, mostly because I'm so uneducated about that sort of thing that I wouldn't even know what to think. Instead, I'll set goals that I think I can reach without obsessing about numbers:

1) Be able to run a 10k in April
2) Actually run a 10k sometime this summer and do it in under an hour. (Less than 10 minute miles!!)
3) Drop from size XL to size L in kerrits breeches. (Hey, not a number).
4) Eat smaller portions. I generally eat reasonably healthy food, I just eat too much of it.
5) Be generous with baking. If I want cookies, I'll make them. However, instead of hording them and eating them all myself, I will GIVE THEM AWAY to people not trying to get fit. Or to people who already are, in an effort to sabotage them... I kid.

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

A Bag and a Half of Senior Feed

I think one of my problems is that I can think back to younger days (and I am only 27) and remember the times that I was really active and much happier. I didn't have to buy breeches on special websites or wear sizes that were double digits. I didn't have to wear two bras to trot so that my boobs didn't fly up and break my nose.

I have a body type predisposed to carrying more weight, thank you Mom and Dad. I am built exactly like my father but with boobs. My torso and my legs are almost the same length, I have developed calves but terrible shapeless thighs. My upper arms insist on waving longer then my forearms do. I have broad shoulders and broad hips. If I was in shape, there would be an hourglass figure in there somewhere.

I have always been heavier, even when I didn't look it. When I was in high school and running 70 miles a week with the long distance team, I wore a size 8 jeans and weighed around 150. When I graduated from Marine Corps boot camp, I was still a size 8 but weighed around 130 and had no boobs to speak of. I am realistic, I know that the methods used in boot camp that got me down to 130 are not smart or feasible in the real world, and honestly, I didn't like the way I looked at 130. I was pale and got sick a lot.

I don't have out of this world aspirations for weight loss goals, but I do know there is a minimum I need to meet to be healthy and happy. To actually get down to the "right weight for my height" (I am 5'4") I need to lose 70 pounds. 70 pounds!! That is a bag and a half of senior feed, how bout that for perspective.

So I went out and I bought a pair of new breeches 4 sizes too small. And yes, they are white. White breeches that show every dimple, every crease, and every malformation. Technically if I can meet my goals, I should be buying 10 sizes smaller than I am now, but I figured I should have an easier goal to start with, if any weight loss goals are actually easy. :op

I can't help but ask myself how did I get here? When I was in the military I struggled with depression that was diagnosed and treated with anti depressants. I gained 50 pounds in 2 months. Which of course, only doubled my unhappiness, but I did later realize I wasn't depressed due to a chemical imbalance, it was the fact I was in a relationship with a man I hated and once I got him out of my life, I was a lot happier and no longer on drugs. But the weight from taking drugs I didn't actually need to take remained and has haunted me ever since.

So this is it, time to stop complaining and do something about it. I told myself if I can't do it for myself, then do it for my horse who although is an easy 1200 lbs himself, I am sure is tired of carrying around almost 20 percent of his own weight.

So here's to the journey and good luck to all of us whether you want to lose a bale or a flake :o)


Okay, okay.  So I'm not obese.  I fully acknowledge that.  But I no longer resemble my former NCAA athlete, or teen-dream-model self.

My background? My genes are pretty good.  Mom is 5'9", 59, and still has killer legs.  While she generously passed on her lengthy limbs and "ample" attributes, she also managed to share her total lack of a torso, and her magical ability to only store fat in a 2" band around her midsection like a freaking camel.

I love you mom. Love you lots, but that camel hump thing has got to go.  Basically what happens is that regardless of how much weight I gain, I gain it only in my camel hump which means that I essentially look like a block o' cheese with a few toothpicks sticking out.  I've gotten pretty good at masking the ever present hump/ring/thing. But I'm sorta over it.

Oh, and the idea of the ever important "WEDDING PHOTOS" looming in a year mean that I'd reeeaaalllly like to ditch the hump in time to look like a freaking knockout in a dress that undoubtedly my father will be conned into spending way too much $$$ on.  (thanks dad!).

The moral of the story? I'm 8lbs away from my "ideal" weight (and none of it is muscle).  I'd be thrilled if I could simply ditch the first 5 lbs which is all I need to get back into my skinny jeans, my favorite cocktail dress and even more important... the little black breeches (LBB).

Though, in fairness, the one pair (wait.. no two pairs..) of breeches that actually fit me best are black.. One tired pair that's pushing 15 years old (they refuse to roll over and DIE) and my FITS.  Everything else I continuously buy too small (I refuse to purchase anything over a certain size), and in fact my current favorite pair of schooling breeches (confession) don't actually button all the way.  They have two "buttons" which are really those hook and loop things, which I wear with only one overlapping button, slide... loop, thing.

I guess I'll have to figure out what my actual goals are.  "5lbs" never works for me, and realistically isn't going to get me skinny, or keep me fit for the long haul.  Maybe a good starting spot would be to actually do cardio 3-4 times a week (current rate is 1x a week) and to maybe stop attacking the peanut butter jar like it might actually retaliate and scoop me out if I don't beat it to the punch.

Do those count as goals?? I can never tell... Maybe I need to think on this more

- Gingham (Pia's Mom..)

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

I know!

I know! I need to author another blog, like I need a hole in my head.

So, what's this blog about?

I'm fat. Simple.

I use to be skinny. I use to be really skinny.

I want to be skinny again.

Actually, I want to be fit, skinny would be great, but mostly I want to have the muscles that I need to ride the ponybeast. She's ridable, and so I'm out of excuses as to why I can't ride her.

Since I refuse to make goals for Denali, I figured I can make goals for myself right?

My goal: 35 pounds. I'd love to say 50 pounds, but I figured I need to be realistic.

Goal for week 1:
1. Move more.
2. Eat less crap.

I think I can handle those!

- Denali's Mom