Wednesday, January 5, 2011

A Bag and a Half of Senior Feed

I think one of my problems is that I can think back to younger days (and I am only 27) and remember the times that I was really active and much happier. I didn't have to buy breeches on special websites or wear sizes that were double digits. I didn't have to wear two bras to trot so that my boobs didn't fly up and break my nose.

I have a body type predisposed to carrying more weight, thank you Mom and Dad. I am built exactly like my father but with boobs. My torso and my legs are almost the same length, I have developed calves but terrible shapeless thighs. My upper arms insist on waving longer then my forearms do. I have broad shoulders and broad hips. If I was in shape, there would be an hourglass figure in there somewhere.

I have always been heavier, even when I didn't look it. When I was in high school and running 70 miles a week with the long distance team, I wore a size 8 jeans and weighed around 150. When I graduated from Marine Corps boot camp, I was still a size 8 but weighed around 130 and had no boobs to speak of. I am realistic, I know that the methods used in boot camp that got me down to 130 are not smart or feasible in the real world, and honestly, I didn't like the way I looked at 130. I was pale and got sick a lot.

I don't have out of this world aspirations for weight loss goals, but I do know there is a minimum I need to meet to be healthy and happy. To actually get down to the "right weight for my height" (I am 5'4") I need to lose 70 pounds. 70 pounds!! That is a bag and a half of senior feed, how bout that for perspective.

So I went out and I bought a pair of new breeches 4 sizes too small. And yes, they are white. White breeches that show every dimple, every crease, and every malformation. Technically if I can meet my goals, I should be buying 10 sizes smaller than I am now, but I figured I should have an easier goal to start with, if any weight loss goals are actually easy. :op

I can't help but ask myself how did I get here? When I was in the military I struggled with depression that was diagnosed and treated with anti depressants. I gained 50 pounds in 2 months. Which of course, only doubled my unhappiness, but I did later realize I wasn't depressed due to a chemical imbalance, it was the fact I was in a relationship with a man I hated and once I got him out of my life, I was a lot happier and no longer on drugs. But the weight from taking drugs I didn't actually need to take remained and has haunted me ever since.

So this is it, time to stop complaining and do something about it. I told myself if I can't do it for myself, then do it for my horse who although is an easy 1200 lbs himself, I am sure is tired of carrying around almost 20 percent of his own weight.

So here's to the journey and good luck to all of us whether you want to lose a bale or a flake :o)

1 comment:

  1. That really sucks about the antidepressants. That's why I'm hesitant to start taking them (although I would be taking them for anxiety not depression). We're here to root your on as you lose weight!